untitled forreal.

 ENTRY_28

 

 

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do you think id end up dead before i reach 21? from my calculation, yes. plain and simple. i wont deny that im smart and my head is clear from all the suicidal thoughts or any sad thoughts, and even if i do have them, those flowers of mind does not interrupt me in the slightest bit. what does interrupt me are these constant need to go out there and explore, exploring the warm vibrant scenery in the west, where sun resides in the last minutes or maybe the cold, thin ice atmosphere of the late night in the middle of nowhere. 

do you think id die before 19? maybe the tendrils of that stupid weeping fig in the middle of my school chokes me while i was sitting and enjoying the breeze of air in the middle of hot summer day. drinking cola alongside my peers, maybe smoking the only-for-teenagers light airy wispy tasteful cigarettes, esse that is.  

do you think id die before im able to drive? ive always wanted to drive a cb motorcycle. it looks macho, and i feel more dominant than the others if i ride it. the girls will like me or rather my motorcycle which smelled like i dont know, money perhaps. i guess thats fair...i mean i love money as well. what kinda girl are you if youre head is not filled money even the slightest. and men out there, dont get me wrong i dont wanna use you for money i would rather search for my own by marrying a rich man that is, hah its a joke. silly men, they are so vulnerable with these type of joke. 

i love men.